So I've come up with this crazy idea....crazy enough that I actually think it MAY just work out. I'm going to do whats good for me. For once. I'm going to run wild with this idea. Really. Truly. Maybe I won't be sick as much because I'll be taking better care of myself. Let me give a little back story to this.
I never put myself first. EVER. I always say I will but end up caving to whatever anyone says I should do. I end up working myself to death to please everyone else, but in the mean time, I don't take care of myself. I don't shower, I don't eat, I don't do anything that would interfere with anybody's interests. So I get sick a lot. I don't "feel well" a lot. I get chronic headaches and I have to take medication to sleep. I have two parents who are alcoholics as well as a grandfather in Florida in a home that I can't communicate with. Everyone in my family is fighting over money that I'm not sure is even real. I'm planning a wedding while planning graduation from Community College, and I have to go talk to my family's attorney to see if I could possibly get my hands on some of that money for the above mentioned events.
I feel like I'm going to talk to the Godfather on his daughters wedding day. Don't say I don't have things to stress out about.
Moving on.
My maid of honor backed out of my wedding, but I sincerely think it's for the best. Anyways, I'm taking this crazy new idea to new heights. A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. And I have a semi-solid list of what I feel is good for me. Here it is.
1. Try to get to the gym. Impossible? Sometimes. But when its not, I have to make time to go.
2. Focus on the here and now. No worries about things I can't change.
3. No more lying to myself. If I'm going to do something, I'll do it. But no more telling myself I'm going to do something if I don't intend to.
4. Eat when I need to. Take a nap when I need to. Do what I need to do when I need to do it. No more excuses.
5. Do something good for myself at least once a month. Especially in the winter, because my depression gets worse without sun, ergo the tanning, and nails and hair because it makes me feel pampered.
6. No more avoidable situations that I put myself in to intentionally feel awkward. Time to put an end to the era of awkwardness.
I honestly think this will help me be a better me. A happier me. And when I'm happy, so is everyone else. So while I'm busy not making resolutions for a brighter new year, you can definitely count on me to be making HUGE changes to my life without the hassle of feeling guilty about breaking some dumb commitment I made to myself while intoxicated on new years eve.
And oh, I'm also putting a kabash on negative people in my life. You make me feel badly about myself, what I do, who I am as a person and all that comes with me, the whole package- be prepared to be let down. I'm not going to fight it out like I have for years. I've decided just to let those people go. If you don't hear from me, it's not because "I'm too busy" or any other lame excuse I've given over the course of a year or two, its because really, I just don't want to have anything to do with you. And the same goes for people I've tried desperately to keep in my life because they once meant something to me...I'm not going to try to be friends with you anymore. Rejection doesn't suit me, especially when I don't necessarily deserve it. But I'm going to be a married woman in just over a half a year and I think it's time I stopped chasing rainbows and coming up empty.
So there is my first post. And I think its quite fitting as a first post.
I'll be back. I always come back. Just don't quite know when. But until then, cheers.
